Insomnia can be a huge bitch.
I hadn’t slept in weeks. Now I’m sleeping once in a while. But it’s just still not enough.
However with all these unsleepful nights, it makes me think. A lot has happened since I last posted.
I have moved out.
I am engaged.
I have dropped out of school… For now.
Moving out is one of the scariest things. For instance, bills. And not having someone to help with everything. such as cleaning and stuff. It’s hard moving out, because now that I have, I realize I’m really grown up. I work full time hours, I pay bills, I live with my fiance. It’d a different feeling. I am also engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. He is sweet and kind and just plain awesome. And my ring is quite spectacular as well. And vintage. Gotta love vintage. Finally I have dropped out of school. Not forever. I just wasn’t a fan of the program. I have all the time in the world to figure out what I want and when I’ll do it.
There’s only so much time in the world, and I don’t want to waste anymore in a classroom right now. I want to go have fun with the love of my life.
And maybe get a whole nights sleep and feel better…
Exhausting.. I have been so busy with papers and tests I haven’t had time to say hello. So, HI!
A lot of people do not realize I go to church, and teach Sunday school. I love teaching Sunday school. I teach primaries, and they are such a blast. I get the most honest questions and answers. Nothing is more truthful than a five-year-old.
Tonight I went out and MC’d for a youth church event. It was a little nerve wracking however nothing gives you more confidence then a tall pair of boots! I find the taller I feel, the more confident I feel. Anyways, the night went awesome! And I saw one of my best friends! Such a good night!
And after the event, my amazing boyfriend took me out for some drinks and fries. I absolutely adore sweet drinks, like strawberry daiquiri And Jack Astors makes a damn good one!!
I couldn’t have asked for a better night!!.. But now it’s time to get back to reality..]
That title is a mouth full..
Is blogging better than essays? How can blogging help even with writing in general? As bloggers yourself, do you find that you have more structured, grammatically correct writing? or no difference at all?
I believe blogging and writing my opinions out has helped me more then anyone could ever realize. I have never been so fancied with the idea of sitting down and writing until I found out I could rant online. For free!
If anyone wants to comment your ideas please do! I would love to hear them. This has made me very curious. Do you believe blogging should be a new tactic teachers use?
“It’s online writing, not boring school writing”
… Since I last did a post. But sometimes there is a need to rant. That sometime is this time. RIght now.
My lovely boyfriend bought me a 500$ camera. Which was sweet. but how do you think feel? 500$ is a lot of money. Especially to someone who is almost 4000$ in debt due to school. I would never want him to think that I don’t like the camera, I absolutely ADORE the camera. It has everything I always wanted. But with the 4000$ he has already spent on a car. AND the 10,000$ he lost in school, I don’t want him to do this. I told someone and they said, OH WELL I WOULD’NT COMPLAIN IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO SPENT THAT ON ME. Well maybe I’m dating him for him, and not money. Maybe I love him, because he loves me.
Another thing is all the scholarships people are getting lately. You know, I was a hard worker. I worked hard for my grades, and I volunteer at my church all the time. SO many people have done stuff like this knowing they’d get scholarships. I do it because I want to. But maybe it’s be nice to be recognized a little more. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and it’s tough.
I want to make a difference in SO many different things, but how? How can someone reach their true potential if if they have to pay to get there?
Time is hard to come by. With so many papers and projects, and my works busiest sales coming up, it’s hard. There are days I want to give. Give what? Give to letting stuff go. Work would be the biggest thing to give up, but I love my job. Another issue would be school, but I love my program. My social life? I don’t have one. So I give time. An issue wit giving time though is that you hurt people. You push people away.
I’m running out of time now, and the moments I want to keep are so far and few. The people I love can’t keep up anymore. I am losing sleep, and myself in the mess of this.
Is it too much to ask for a moment? To ask for something to give me a smile, or some hope. Hope that maybe i’m not ruining my life by no sleep and massive amounts of lemonade and tears? That I’m not wasting my time trying to be who I want to be, instead of who I have to be.
Nothing can give me a moment of peace. So I guess I’ll just live in the moment instead.
Anyone else tear up a little??
I hate that saying.
Things happen for a reason. Things don’t work out for a reason. If you what if everything you do, than how can you be happy where you are? How can you understand that you are where you are suppose to be, when you keep asking yourself ‘what if’?
It’s one thing to what if a type of sandwhich, or a toy you buy your child. But its the big what ifs. The big life changing crazy ones that seem to stray you away from where you should be because you’re too busy wondering if the grass could have been greener, or the sky bluer.
If you are where you are now, and decide to change your course and what if to something else, it better be worth it. Because the chances are, if it’s not worth it, you’ll be stuck, because it’s not like your old life will take you back. It’s not like what you dropped will be happy to know it’s not second best.
Because as soon as you ‘what if’ to anything, where you are, your life at that moment, something realizes that it can’t be the best, because you’re wondering if the other side is greener.
I hate the saying what if.